Late. Late, late, late, late.

I been 10 minutes late to my teaching job TWO DAYS IN A ROW. WTH. I can blame traffic, unexpected delays, bad driving, construction or whatever, but ultimately the real issue is none of the above.

I push everything back until I feel super rushed.

Then I tell myself there’s no way I can get everything done. Then I punish myself for a little bit. Finally I feel the release of responsibility flying off.

There are a few problems.

1.

When I’m rushed, the pressure and the anxiety of getting to my next goal distracts me from all other responsibilities. This is, of course, why I do it, but the side effects of this approach are not harmless.  This takes away from the quality of all the work I do.

My girlfriend and I watched a Black Mirror episode last night– “Nosedive”. It’s a really good one. I highly recommend it. Here’s the synopsis:

A woman desperate to boost her social media score hits the jackpot when she’s invited to a swanky wedding, but the trip doesn’t go as planned.

Without spoiling anything, there is a scene towards the end where the main character has a conversation with an older, wiser woman with a lower social media score. The main character thinks this woman just doesn’t get her. The older woman thinks the dissatisfaction the main character feels, and all the other bad things she’s feeling too, only exist because the main character’s agreed to play that game. This stress and side effects come with the game. The suggestion is, if she stopped playing the game, she’d stop feeling that way.

I’ve obviously got a process that I’m semi-comfortable in. What side effects am I experiencing because of it?

2.

How I approach this morning says a lot about how I spent yesterday morning, and the morning before that. And the morning before that.

http://www.commercialappeal.com/story/sports/nba/grizzlies/2017/03/27/grizzlies-vs-kings-fizdale-wants-see-desperation/99687402/

I lack desperation at times. What do I mean by “lack desperation”? I mean, sometimes, if you want it (insert title, success, fulfillment) you have to feel a little desperate. Unless something is directly pressing down on me, I don’t attack the page. So, when I don’t have a deadline pressing down on me, how do I still give myself the freedom to mess around, but adhere to a time frame like I did today and yesterday. That’s really my issue. That inability to adhere to a time frame when I’m not under immediate pressure.

 

3.

Obvs I prefer to be rushed. I personally, selfishly, prefer to be rushed. Who wants to be 5 minutes early, just sitting there? Nobody! It’s just… if other are depending on me (students, other teachers, etc.) then I have to think about them. Ugh. Not my strong suit anymore. (Actually, I used to be pretty good at it. :/) My unwillingness to consider other people when I am deciding how to use my time is going to continue to cause me problems. I don’t think any of my co-workers are really going to be bummed, or screwed, or mad at me. They’re cool. I just think it’s a breach of trust and I should apologize to them. And I should figure something out in terms of getting myself places on time.

•••

My call to action is to hit publish and move on. (:

 

 

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